


Fight or Flight

by Wild_Freckles



Category: Bull (TV 2016)
Genre: Bull isn't very good at that relationship thing, F/F, He feels the entire emotion spectrum, I just love Benny, Its a fighting fic, M/M, but it will all be okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 20:27:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11298243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wild_Freckles/pseuds/Wild_Freckles
Summary: "You’re so highly-strung Benny, always ready to flare up.  Don’t you get tired of feeling? Don’t you get exhausted?"Those words were painful. They hurt too much to yell anymore. He had to get out.





	Fight or Flight

TAC headquarters was always a frosty and uncomfortable place when Benny and Bull fought. They tried to keep their business lives and personal lives as tangle-free as they could, but they were only human and could only handle so much stiff office conversation without the pot boiling over.

They had been on edge for weeks. A strange tension passing between them whenever they were alone. It was scary and painful to find out they could fight so bitterly when they seemed like a match made in heaven.  

Anger was a hard emotion for Benny to stifle. He was an extremely emotional person. That’s probably why Bull liked him so much; he was easy to get a rise out of. That’s all he wanted from Benny, an easy to handle relationship on the side, some entertainment when the work ran low. Benny wanted more from him, needed a more in depth and complex relationship.

Benny felt absolutely awful for his team, after all, they had to endure all of this time-wasting bullshit when they probably all wanted to get on with the job at hand.  He wondered if Bull even gave a shit about how their current tiff would impact his employees. Probably not, his lover could be a self-absorbed shitstick sometimes.

He felt so _much_. How was it that Jason felt nothing for him in return?

They were all seated around the main table, listening to Marissa introduce their duplicated jury and explain relevant things to the case. Benny wasn’t really listening. He wasn’t in charge of the legalities of this case, Bull had made certain of that. It had stung like a bitch to be ‘re-assigned’ by some other fresh-faced attorney when he knew he’d be perfect for the circumstance. Bull didn’t think so, and he ran the show.

Benny listened, clicked his pen loudly a few times before Cable nudged him and Bull shot him an irritated look. It made hot anger roll in Benny’s chest, but he set his pen down and crossed his arms.  Tension was thick in the air as Benny glared Bull down, so much that even Marissa fumbled and fell with her words. Chunk looked between the two.“Did I miss something? Why do you two look like someone stole the last pizza slice?”

“Did I miss something? Why do you two look like someone stole the last pizza slice?”

“S’nothin” Benny mumbled glaring down at the table. God, he sounded petulant and he hated it. He could feel Bull pulling him apart with his brain, and for once he wished that he would turn that beam onto himself. Maybe if he evaluated his own psyche then they wouldn’t be moving two steps forward one step back in their relationship.

Between shared looks of confusion and exasperation, Benny twitched his legs and Bull pretended that there was nothing wrong. Soon Benny decided he’d had his fill, and excused himself to go to the bathroom. He ignored the way Danny patted his arm as he walked past, it made his anger turn soft, and that only lead to sadness and tears and the last thing Benny wanted to do was cry at work.

He also didn’t want to stand in front of the mirror dramatically or lock himself in a cubicle until someone eventually came looking for him. He went into his office, shut the door and put his head on the desk.

The team felt like a family, comfortable and familiar. Danny could touch him so casually, say so much in such a small gesture, yet Bull had trouble making Benny feel like a crucial fixture in his life. Maybe he wasn’t that important after all.

Sad thoughts were entering Benny’s head. Sad thoughts of quitting his job, moving in with his sister to weep over the man that neither could tame. He felt something for Bull that shifted him deep inside, but he had never considered the fact that it may never be reciprocated. Maybe he was just a game to play, a puzzle to solve. He had heard Bull speak gently of loving Isabella, but he had never told Benny that. He felt sick.

“Hey. What do you think you’re doing?” It was Jason. His head poking in the doorway. He couldn’t even bring himself to step in Benny’s room.

“I’m knitting a scarf, what does it look like?” Benny hissed, and there it was again, that anger. Bull surveyed him and decided to prod at the fire.

“Well, I’m sensing a bit of _hostility_. The team wants you out here.”

The _team._ Not him _._ “What about you, what do you want?”

Bull blinked at him like he was an idiot. “I would like you to do your job.”

“I’m talking about something else, Jason.”

Benny knew Bull hated it when he used his first name, especially in the workplace. Usually he’d hold it close like a special little gift, but now he was every man for himself.

“Ah,” Bull cleared his throat and glanced behind him. “I think we should save that for later.”

“I can’t,” Benny realized. “I can’t save it for later. We have to talk now.”

“You won’t talk though,” Bull said, heat in his voice. “You’ll cause a scene.”

Cause a scene? So, he wasn’t allowed to cause a scene, even though he was speaking to the most over-dramatic scene causer in the whole building. Benny’s blood spiked and he stood up abruptly.

“Don’t you dare talk down to me. You’ve been putting this off for weeks. I can’t deal with waltzing around the place like we aren’t at each others throats the second someone turns around. I can’t think properly, I can’t function knowing that you're just gonna push me aside again.”

Benny could swear he heard Cable shout ‘let’s get ready to rumble!’ from somewhere but the pounding of his ears was loud and insistent. Bull looked exasperated, like he was already moving onto the next thing.

“Let’s just- “

“No. Stop avoiding this. Why are you so concerned with keeping up this whole suave ‘I don’t care’ act anyway?!”

“It’s not an act.” Bull seethed.

“Okay, so you _don’t_ care?  Is that it? You don’t care that I’m burning up in here, that we have so much to talk about and you just want to look the other way because you can’t handle this relationship getting too real? What is it Jason, do you care about me or not? You can’t blindside me like you did with Isabella, I’m not just going to let it go, me and her, we’re different.”

Bull finally stepped into his office, clothing the door with a click. It didn’t do much to stifle the noise, every ear in the office perched to hear their argument.

“Would you stop likening yourself to your sister? I’m not some sick fuck that compares notes okay, I’m sorry it happened this way, but I’m with you now, you should stop being so goddamn insecure.”

“You’re with me now but for how long? Another month? Another Year? Until you get bored of me? Am I even that important to you? It’s hard to be confident in _us_ , when it only seems to be about _you_.”

Benny must have struck through that armor that Bull wore because for a second hurt flickered across his face. It satisfied Benny to know he could get some sort of emotion out of him.

“Is that what you think?! That I’m a heartless stone? That nothing matters to me? Did you ever consider that this whole relationship is about _you_ , and about how _you_ feel? You’re so highly-strung Benny, always ready to flare up.  Don’t you get tired of _feeling_? Don’t you get exhausted? You’re so tiring sometimes I just can’t. I can’t compare you to your sister, or anyone else for that matter because they didn’t act like a fucking child when they didn’t get their own way!”

Benny had to turn away. Those words were painful. They hurt too much to yell anymore. He had to get out.

Bull stood still in the door, waiting for him to react. Benny grabbed his coat and case and pushed past his lover to escape.

“Where are you going Benny? I thought you wanted to yell this out? Like adults?”

Fucker. He walked out, unable to meet the eyes of his team as he walked past. Out the doors, outside into the cool fresh air. He cried in the elevator and hated himself. Where to go now? Running away, he was acting like a child.

Coffee. A hot drink is the next best thing to a hard drink.  He made sure that he chose a coffee shop that he hadn’t been to before, so that if Bull decided to come looking for him again he wouldn’t be able to find him.

He sat far way from the window and held his warm drink in his hands, letting the steam swirl into his face. He needed to talk to someone, but the only person he could think of was his sister, and that hit too close to home. He could imagine her irritated voice, ‘Benny I’m at work. I told you he would break your heart.’

So no. He stared at the wall hard, pulling apart what Bull had shouted at him. He had been called tiring. In other relationships, he had thought himself to be a good, supportive presence. Not tiring.

He swiped through his contacts list, and paused when he saw a familiar name pop up on the screen.

Amanda. Before he could lose his nerve, he dialed her number.

Before he could lose his nerve, he dialed her number. She answered on the fifth ring.

“Benny? It’s been a while.”

 


End file.
